Night Train to Lisbon

I am not religious but I do occasionally pray. During this film, already able to guess the time very accurately, extrapolated from many glances at my watch, trapped in the middle of a row, I prayed for it to end. Stop. Anything. The film has marshaled many well-known actors for a farrago set in Lisbon; a Lisbon I don't know, where everyone speaks in English with a funny accent. The signs were ominous from the opening scene, which had Raimond (Jeremy Irons - the only 'English' character in the film, and let off his accents) alone in his room in Switzerland playing chess with himself, moving from one side of the chessboard to the other. This had the subtlety of a red arrow on the screen, pointing at him, labelled 'lonely intellectual'. In an early scene he was dithering on the railway platform as to whether to get on the train that was pulling out. At the last minute he jumped on, so it was fortunate that the train was setting off with its doors still open!

The film has quite a starry cast - with Jeremy Irons there are Tom Courtenay, Melanie Laurent, Christpher Lee, Charlotte Rampling and Bruno Ganz, all present and correct and doing 'accents'. I had difficulty concentrating on the narrative, so it was some time before I understood that the older characters were the younger ones in another time. The film proceeded at a steady unmodulated pace with far too many mind-numbing words and explanations, and to little cinema. The music was awful, washing around in the background, neither loud enough nor silent enough. I don't know if this film is an example of Euro-soup, but it is difficult to describe the music without using the word 'soup'. Normally interesting actors were awful, particularly poor Bruno Ganz. The cinematography wasn't bad, with lovely Lisbon, with all its steps, photographed with an atmospheric, golden hue.

A reviewer quoted on Rotten Tomatoes summed up this film well, saying 'take the last train to anywhere but here." while another wrote "after barely stirring to life, Night Train to Lisbon mercifully expires." I needed a couple of strong drinks and a good night's sleep to recover from it.